2 trans experiences I’ve had this week- Happy Pride!

Happy Pride Month- i’m going to start this post off with something sad and end with something good, both my personal experiences.

The other day i was feeling very confident in my identity so I didn’t expect the reaction I got when I told a neighbor, who had spotted me sitting by the lake, that i go by a new name now (she hadn’t seen me in a few years as i try to stay away from her). She seemed baffled and even denied me saying it for a second before drunkenly putting her arm around me- breaking social distancing might i add- and saying that god gave me this body and that she herself was saddened by the fact i was rejecting it. She went on to say things like “you can’t be a boy- you can do boy things and dress like a boy, it’s called a tomboy” and i fired back “there are no girls things and boys things”- she was quite adamant in her opinion that there are. After a while of me denying answering personal questions about my own body and explaining how long i’ve known on the inside that i wasn’t a girl- she moved on from the topic completely and acted like it hadn’t happened. I felt violated, and paralyzed during the whole conversation. I ran home to my mom, abandoning the beavers i was watching in the lake and fled, sobbing into her arms. Though my mom is only surface level supportive of my identity I still trust her with these things- she took the time to hold me and ask what was wrong. I told her and she gave me reassuring words about how I shouldn’t listen to these people- especially because shes a crazy alcoholic who was probably drunk just then. A bit later on my mom jokingly asked if i needed her to fight our neighbor for me, I could tell she saw how affected i was from the conversation. Now, a few days later, I’m still hearing her voice in my head and remembering the scent and sound. It’s hard to go outside alone just out of fear. I think that lakes been ruined for me. Nevertheless, it’s a better outcome than all of the trans lives taken from encounters similar to that.

Now on a happy note: I came out to my moms parent: my Grammy and Poppop. I was a bit nervous and they’re a bit older and I didn’t know how they’d react. But i’m close with them so I was sure they’d still love me no matter what. It took me a solid five minutes to get the word “transgender” out but when I did they only asked what “they them pronouns” were and if they could call me Ollie instead of Oliver. They were completely accepting and it was probably the best reaction I’ve gotten so far. Now that I look back on it, I think my Poppop knew, as the whole time I was struggling to get the words out, there was a glint in his eyes and smile that which I cant put into words, but I’m sure that he knew before I said it. I saw them yesterday, and they only used my deadname when addressing me to my sister as to not confuse her (she’s 4). To see my Grammy and Poppop do so well with my pronouns and name in front of their daughter, my mom was the best feeling after months of her not referring to me as such.

Happy Pride- Stay safe ❤️🏳️‍🌈